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The Onion

Say 'Nup' to Melbourne Cup

Say 'Nup' to Melbourne Cup

Posted 1 November 2010   by Jesse         Permalink | 12 Comments

Tags: Melbourne Cup, horse racing, jumps racing, funny, video, The Onion

It's silly hat season again, with the Melbourne Cup set to take place tomorrow. I still find it hard to believe that the whole nation stops to watch horses being whipped so that they'll run as fast as they can in circles!

To show that not everyone thinks horse racing is something to celebrate (because it sure isn't if you're a horse), this is what I'll be posting to facebook tomorrow (Feel free to do the same!):

If people really want to lose their money and wake up with a hangover the least they could do is leave the horses out of it! I could rant all day about how cruel (and dull) horse racing is, but the satirical news site The Onion has already done a hilarious job of highlighting one of the many problems with the industry:

While I'm on the topic of funny videos and problems with horse racing, I've got one more thing to say. The sooner the horse racing industry gets rid of jumps racing and replaces it with this the better!

Right, you've heard what I think of Melbourne Cup. Now, what about you? Leave a comment.

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Children of All Ages Delighted by Enslavement of Topsy the Elephant

Children of All Ages Delighted by Enslavement of Topsy the Elephant

Posted 4 June 2010   by Jesse         Permalink | 7 Comments

Tags: circuses, exotic animals, The Onion, funny, elephants, entertainment

I still remember being taken to the circus as a kid. One of the things I remember most about the circus were the elephants. I remember how they were dressed up with cloaks and head-dresses. I remember they even put glitter on them! I also remember how those gentle giants performed the cutest tricks (or at least I thought so at the time) with just a small tap on the side from their trainer.

Something I never realised at the time was that those elephants were performing such unnatural and awkward tricks because they had spent countless hours in 'training', being beaten with a hook if they refused to perform. I also never realised till years later, that the glitter that made the elephants all the more spectacular when I was a child was probably hiding 'training' wounds.

Is there any bigger facade than animal circuses? Children watch in innocent amazement as wild animals are dressed up and tormented for their entertainment. I wish I'd known the truth then. I never would have gone along with it.

So yesterday, I was glad to read the headline "Children of All Ages Delighted by Enslavement of Topsy the Elephant" on the front page of the satirical news site, The Onion. This story is at the same time shocking, hilarious and spot on. It's well worth a read...

Here are a few of the best snippets from the article:

"He's such a funny happy elephant," said 8-year-old Madison Helms, referring to the abused creature that spends the majority of his time chained up in a cramped, feces-covered enclosure. "He loves being in the circus!"

"Look, they're dancing," said 5-year-old Jonah Meeks, mistaking the elephants' constant swaying for something that wasn't a maladaptive behavior caused by serious psychological trauma. "I can dance like an elephant, too. Look at me!"

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Lame Gymnast Euthanised

Lame Gymnast Euthanised

Posted 20 June 2009   by Karen         Permalink | 8 Comments

Tags: jumps racing, horse racing, euthanasia, horses, sport, entertainment, video, funny, The Onion

Today the Onion brings us the touching story of Shawn, a champion gymnast who tragically fell while practicing on the uneven bars and had to be euthanised after breaking her knee.

Fortunately, in reality we don't actually shoot gymnasts in the back of the head if they happen to take a wrong step (you can imagine how many budding athletes would volunteer for the sport if we did..?). But not all professional athletes are so lucky.

Today at Moonee Valley, Whatsourgo became the sixth horse to be killed in jumps racing in Victoria this year after he fell and broke his leg on the last hurdle. Now, the jumps racing industry would like us to believe that 'owners love their horses' *cough* *bull$#!t* *cough*. Whether or not you believe them I think we need to hold them to their word and demand that they to do the only humane thing possible: put an end to jumps racing. Stat.

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