About a month ago my partner and I moved in with his parents for financial reasons. They have mostly been pretty good about living with a vegan, sharing meals with us as a family some nights and taking an interest in my cooking.
The problem I have is that they sometimes buy me thing that aren't vegan. I can see how someone unfamiliar with the lifestyle would not even think about these things (ie dairy in body wash, some dark chocolate being acceptable and some not etc) and buy them. So far my partner has absorbed the blow and just used the products himself or snuck them back into general consumption by the household without his parents noticing.
Today they bought me soy yogurt after a brief conversation I had with them over the weekend about how hard it was to find Kingland soy yogurt in the NT. Unfortunately they bought the Soylife brand yogurt, which contains animal derived D3.
I'm really stumped as to what to do about this. No one else is going to eat this, plus it's a waste. I know this is this is their way of making me feel like less of an outsider in the family home. How do I tactfully let them know that I can't eat this without making them feel bad or possibly upset? I could educate them on what is and isn't vegan but then I'm concerned it would sound like I expect food to be bought for me. Ideally I'd like them to not buy me food as I know how difficult it is to know what is and isn't vegan.
It's a socially precarious situation and I'd ideally like to not rock the boat. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
With the yogurt - if it's a one-time purchase, then I probably wouldn't say anything. They're obviously trying to be nice, and if they have only bought it once then maybe just take it in stride. If they continue to buy the yogurt then maybe say something then.
My partner & I were discussing this today, and unfortunately we haven't come up with a good solution yet...
On a side note, I had no idea about Soy Life yoghurt! It only says 'Vitamin D' on the label & I figured it was safe because it says 'suitable for vegetarians'... But I just read online that it's derived from lanolin - why on earth would they put that in soy yoghurt??
Urgh, I still have a tub in my fridge!
Tough situation. Its great that the in -laws are being so thoughtul, but at the same time you are in a tricky situation. I personally don''t have an answer for this as I would be feeling like you i.e. not wanting to hurt their feelings. I think, as has already been suggested, is that you get your partner to break the news. Or you might want to tell them that you appreciate their support but you want to be as independant as possible, which might seem odd as you have moved in with them to cut down on finances in the first place. Perhaps tell them that, by offering accommodation, they have supported you more than enough but would like to be independant with everything else and you feel guilty about them buying you so many items.
Maybe play it down like you didn't realise it had non-vegan D3 but a friend just told you, and you feel really bad because you would have bought this one yourself too and not realised it had animal products included etc. Make them feel good for buying you things and thinking of you, and thank them, but maybe make it out like you didn't know either - simple mistake.
Then add in something like "I dont want you to feel like you have to buy me anything vegan, I am happy to hunt down vegan foods.. I know how difficult it can be".
I had a similar situation with soy milk a while back. Mum did a nice thing buying me a carton for her house when I visit but she got a GMO brand, and I really didn't want to drink it. I had a couple of cups of tea with it, and thankfully it went off and she had to throw it away. I made out I didn't really like the taste of that brand but I would have bought it myself to try it as well, and how could she have known etc... Now i buy my own and take it over haha.
try and take a positive reading on this that they are trying to make you feel welcome in their home , but on the other hand if they are willing to buy you things because, mm i dont know because they see their son is in love with u that they are willing to help, so if i was you, sit them down as a couple with their son , your partner and discuss this ,or maybe put pen to paper and say if ud like to buy me things then these are the things i can eat, but make it clear that u dont expect them to,i think its really cool that they are at least trying , there would be plenty more out there that wouldnt
Yeah, isn't it bizarre that soy vegans life isn't vegan? It's obviously marketed at vegans (as well as the dairy intolerant). I don't understand why they don't just remove the vit D and open up their market. But that's another issue.
Lys, be suspicious of anything that should be vegan and is labeled as suitable for vegetarians. It usually means they're hiding something, otherwise it would be labeled as suitable for vegans.
I think I might try your suggestion Turtwings. It sounds like a very diplomatic approach to the situation. I don't particularly want my partner to have to represent me in anyway, as being a vegan is my choice, not his. Plus, he's tried to have similar conversations with them about them buying him things that he doesn't want/need but is then obligated to use (they're really giving people! Just a little misguided and enthusiastic. Hence my feeling so bad).
