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Living with a carnivore..

A big dilemma...

1 - 10 of 12 posts   1 | 2  


Vegetus Vegetus VIC Posts: 76
1 10 May 2013
Hey everyone,

I'm not sure if I really have a question, or its just a rant. But I have been with my partner for 6 years now, and we have a daughter together. My daughter and I are vegetarian (just over a year), and my partner is a carnivore. We've lived together before for about 4yrs, but currently don't due to working interstate, but we're about to move back in together in the next few months, and im worried I wont be able to cope with the carnivore-ness and wasteful lifestyle.
Most of what I eat is vegan, id say 95% and I was hoping to commit to being full vegan in the near future. I am an ethical-shopper, as in I don't buy products tested on animals, and wont buy any animal products for clothing or cosmetics or toiletries.
I guess the more I have become aware of animal issues the more vegan I have become, and the less in common I have with my partner.

I guess I am worried I wont be able to make it work because we are turning into two completely different people and thats why I haven't pushed to move in together again sooner because I love him but cant stand certain parts of his lifestyle. I feel guilty like I am ripping off my daughter for not giving the family a shot, but at the same token being happy is of great importance to being a good parent. Am I allowed to be this selfish?

Most of the time when my partner and I are together I feel like I am judging him in my head, everytime he drinks litres of milk, or bites into a big block of cheese, I can feel the disgust. Sometimes when I bring it up I feel like im just nagging.
He certainly has his passions like anti-palm oil in products etc, but he still buys factory farmed meat and seems clueless to want to even learn about animal rights and activism. He listens when I complain about it but then continues to do his own thing.

I guess im after advice? Or maybe someone is in the same situation with close family?

Lets hope he doesn't read this. Haha.
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Kelsey1 MsDrago Kelsey1 MsDrago United States Posts: 818
2 10 May 2013
Definitely a dilemma. Im sure you've introduced some foods to him, or persuaded him to watch some documentaries? (if not it would be a good idea happy)
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z1 z1 VIC Posts: 535
3 11 May 2013
i think you mean omnivore
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Ariadne Ariadne SA Posts: 148
4 11 May 2013
I really feel for you, this is the future of your family. I would look at it like this, living in a largely non-vegan world, I have many people whom I am close to who are not vegan. My best friend is non-vegan...we're friends because it wasn't about compromising my principles, but because we had alot of common ground in other areas and our food ethics gives us alot of stuff to debate about. Something else we both like doing! You already have a long-standing close relationship with your partner, that's good.

I can understand being worried about living with a non-vegan because it will be right in your face. I had this problem with my son just before he moved out into uni accomodation. I couldn't stand the smell if he bought meaty things home and I didn't like having dairy in the fridge. It did make me feel a bit of a nag too, similar to yourself.

So I guess it's question of experimenting with how much you will be willing to compromise. Talk to him (again!) and explain how important it is to you, maybe he would be willing to at least investigate some welfarist options (case in point, the fancy organic stuff always tastes better!) Maybe you could cook at separate times and have an agreement about cleaning cooking areas, separate compartments in the fridge etc.

I really hope it works out for your family.
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Vegetus Vegetus VIC Posts: 76
5 11 May 2013
Ariadne said:
I really feel for you, this is the future of your family. I would look at it like this, living in a largely non-vegan world, I have many people whom I am close to who are not vegan. My best friend is non-vegan...we're friends because it wasn't about compromising my principles, but because we had alot of common ground in other areas and our food ethics gives us alot of stuff to debate about. Something else we both like doing! You already have a long-standing close relationship with your partner, that's good.

I can understand being worried about living with a non-vegan because it will be right in your face. I had this problem with my son just before he moved out into uni accomodation. I couldn't stand the smell if he bought meaty things home and I didn't like having dairy in the fridge. It did make me feel a bit of a nag too, similar to yourself.

So I guess it's question of experimenting with how much you will be willing to compromise. Talk to him (again!) and explain how important it is to you, maybe he would be willing to at least investigate some welfarist options (case in point, the fancy organic stuff always tastes better!) Maybe you could cook at separate times and have an agreement about cleaning cooking areas, separate compartments in the fridge etc.

I really hope it works out for your family.
Thank you for your reply Ariadne, I appreciate it. We certainly have everything else in common, so that's what the relationship is based on. But its so hard having the closest person at a total different view-point especially when its something I consider of morality. I use the term carnivore because I dont think ive seen him eat a vegetable, maybe potato bake thats about as close as it gets. haha. I guess I start with organic food, he does like it, and maybe thats my way in, I don't want to force veganism on him, but some consideration and a cutting down of the arrogance surrounding his meat eating would be a great feat itself. Maybe ground rules are a good idea for the both of us too..

happy
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Ariadne Ariadne SA Posts: 148
6 13 May 2013
Vegetus said:
Ariadne said:
I really feel for you, this is the future of your family. I would look at it like this, living in a largely non-vegan world, I have many people whom I am close to who are not vegan. My best friend is non-vegan...we're friends because it wasn't about compromising my principles, but because we had alot of common ground in other areas and our food ethics gives us alot of stuff to debate about. Something else we both like doing! You already have a long-standing close relationship with your partner, that's good.

I can understand being worried about living with a non-vegan because it will be right in your face. I had this problem with my son just before he moved out into uni accomodation. I couldn't stand the smell if he bought meaty things home and I didn't like having dairy in the fridge. It did make me feel a bit of a nag too, similar to yourself.

So I guess it's question of experimenting with how much you will be willing to compromise. Talk to him (again!) and explain how important it is to you, maybe he would be willing to at least investigate some welfarist options (case in point, the fancy organic stuff always tastes better!) Maybe you could cook at separate times and have an agreement about cleaning cooking areas, separate compartments in the fridge etc.

I really hope it works out for your family.
Thank you for your reply Ariadne, I appreciate it. We certainly have everything else in common, so that's what the relationship is based on. But its so hard having the closest person at a total different view-point especially when its something I consider of morality. I use the term carnivore because I dont think ive seen him eat a vegetable, maybe potato bake thats about as close as it gets. haha. I guess I start with organic food, he does like it, and maybe thats my way in, I don't want to force veganism on him, but some consideration and a cutting down of the arrogance surrounding his meat eating would be a great feat itself. Maybe ground rules are a good idea for the both of us too..

happy
I had a thought, if he can understand the link between palm oil and deforestation, maybe get him some info. that shows the link between deforestation and cattle farming?

Good luck!
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Vegetus Vegetus VIC Posts: 76
7 13 May 2013
Thats fantastic!!!!
He would be into that for sure, thanks!
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BFV BFV SA Posts: 138
8 15 May 2013
Here's a great booklet on the environmental effects of eating meat & dairy:

http://www.vegetarianvictoria.org.au/cms/articles/eatinguptheworldv3.pdf

Good luck! happy
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Casper.s2 Casper.s2 SA Posts: 1640
9 15 May 2013
Imagine living with a Velociraptor though, that'd be suh scary
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Vegetus Vegetus VIC Posts: 76
10 9 Sep 2013
Update: we are both now vegan happy
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