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Having a baby

With a meat eater

1 - 10 of 10 posts

HopeConnolly HopeConnolly WA Posts: 15
1 9 Jun 2013
Hello all.

Just wondering if anyone here is in a relationship with a meat eater. Or has kids to them?

When I found out about factory farming, and the details about animal production... Being an animal lover I felt like I would be a hypocrite to carry on eating meat. As if I was betraying my intelligence. This created waves with my man... Of then 6 months.

I found out I was pregnant we moved in together, but I miscarried. We planned to try for a baby but food was an issue in the end we postponed trying because I didn't know if I should have a baby with him since food is such a big part of life and I'm determined to raise a healthy vegan child, who is conscious of their choices.

I love my man. He's kind, generous, loyal and loving. But for some reason he just doesn't really seem to care about eating animals. He eats and cooks veg, but during the day he'll get chicken treat, have meat on subway and always eats a steak out at dinner, and also will buy real meat for a BBQ.

We watched food Inc which isn't a case for vegetarianism, more like sustainability and organic... He just nods his head and the next day doesn't think twice about eating meat from chicken treat.

I am 33 and really want to do a good job at raising kids. I want to raise them to think, be conscious and kind. Part of me thinks I am being too fussy, that I have a great guy who was perfect for me when I met him. Then I changed my eating habits.

But not participating in this cruelty is something I feel really strongly about now. I am proud of what I have achieved even if I've never heard it from anyone. I loved BBQ chicken and T-bone steak. It's been a year. And I'm now dairy free for two months. Egg free next!

I know if I said to him I don't want a baby with him unless he converts or said I was leaving he would probably convert. But then he'd be doing it for the wrong reasons. I want him to do it because he identifies its wrong. Or how else explain to our kids? I can explain why. His explanation will be because your mother wouldn't be with me if I wasn't.

I am considering asking him to watch earthlings... Even though I don't know if I could stomach it again.... But if he watches it and there isn't a huge shift I fear I'll postpone baby trying again...  

Does anyone have some insight that can be helpful?

Sanchari Bhava Sanchari Bhava VIC Posts: 39
2 9 Jun 2013
Well, for one it's not your fault if he does. Everyone has to make choices. I don't know if you really want advice from a 13 year old, but...happy Just keep on serving him vego meals. Maybe he'll change.

Showbags Showbags QLD Posts: 162
3 10 Jun 2013
Definitely try Earthlings on him. That is a pretty powerful and emotive documentary.

Also you can try other docos/speeches like

-The Gary Yourofsky speech (watch the separate Q & A as well underneath):

-101 Reasons to go Vegan:

-Meat the Truth (more environmental):

-Forks over Knives (if you think he will change for more health conscious reasons).

-Peaceable Kingdom (another powerful documentary).

-Vegucated (Shows meat eaters transitioning to Veganism).

The bottom three I can't find on youtube but I think I have some copies somewhere so just let me know if you want them and I'll email them to you.

I find sometimes it's best to let the experts do the talking for you. So roll out the docos and just ask him to watch them with an open mind. He will most probably come to the right decision of his own accord. Good luck anyway.

Ring064 Ring064 SA Posts: 21
4 10 Jun 2013
id say try cooking him some fake meats and see what he thinks. I still haven't been able to try frys but aprantley its extremely nice. you can see some of the fake meat options at my post called "what fake (faux)meats have people been eating"

check it out if you want!
Ring064 peace_out

StephyA StephyA VIC Posts: 329
5 16 Jun 2013
You could try Earthlings but don't get your hopes up. I think trying to make someone be something or do something can be counteractive a lot of the time.

I do know exactly how you feel.  I am dating a meat eater too. He eats mostly veg meals at home because of me but he will have free range charcoal chicken and steak if we are out.  He also has no problem with hunting. But he is very supportive of my choices and will go to vegan restaurants with me. He is a very loving, loyal, caring partner and he would be an excellent father. And I have wondered a lot about what would happen if we had kids because I would want to bring them up like me and well, not like him. It does really make me think that I don't want to have kids because it could and probably will put strains on us. I do think that maybe we could educate them on both our points of view to give them the choice once they are a bit older but if I'm honest, as I am so dominant and head strong it would probably just end up they are vegan.

I think it would be best to be honest about how you want your children to be. Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about all this? Have you asked if he would mind if your children are veg like you? Maybe he wouldn't mind.

Janine Janine NSW Posts: 232
6 16 Jun 2013
Sounds like your in a very tough situation. When I first went vegan my boyfriend said he would try it out for 2 months, he then wanted to continue eating chicken and fish, I was so devastated by this, that he ended up turning vegetarian for me. Now... 4 and a half years later, and my fiance, he will tell anyone, that he may have gone vegetarian to support me but he would not eat meat again even if I wasn't in his life and admits happy.
Without doubt, I could not be in a relationship with someone if they were not at least vegetarian.
Fingers crossed Earthlings works for you, for some people, trying to show too much can turn them off wanting to go vegetarian or vegan.
If I were in your boat, I would definitely be postponing children until you have both come to an agreement on were you stand on the matter, how you will raise your child (vegan/veg/meat eater) and how you will combat the issues.
Going vegetarian/vegan can be hard at first especially for those not really interested. Maybe you should try and discreetly find poeple he may look up to (athletes, celebs, body builders) that are vegan and just casually bring it up, definitely making delicious meals as people have mentioned and showing how easy it can be, also taking him to a farm like Edgards to meet the animals happy
Best of luck

HopeConnolly HopeConnolly WA Posts: 15
7 19 Jun 2013
Thank you everyone for your replies, I feel so rude for not replying sooner.

Thank you Showbags for the links! I sent the 101 Reasons & Earthlings to him and told him to watch 101 Reasons first. I received a text from him apologising for being so ignorant. I thought he must have watched Earthlings first. But he watched that the following night.

He then decided to cut out cow dairy and also land animal meat. So he would still eat fish. The way he rationalised it is that he could at least catch and kill his own fish, but probably wouldn't persist on eating animals if he had to slaughter them himself. I respect that and feel it's middle ground. We are still eating cage free eggs - that will be a transition.

I am so happy about this. Except on Saturday he went to a BBQ down south and they only had hot dogs. He ate one. I am resisting the temptation to react - like 'have you made a decision or haven't you?'. Being veg no doubt you have to prepare. Also, he hasn't told anyone of his change. I am not sure if he is doing that because because then he can sneakily cheat himself, or if its because he could cop flack from other men he knows.

Also working away may be quite hard for him as he can order fish, but the food they have available such as certain salads have dairy in them. And they do provide a vegetarian meal, but it often has dairy in it too.

I'm trying to tread carefully and be patient. It's kinda challenging when you're 33, really looking forward to having a baby and don't want to take any chances, you know?  

Stephy, he has agreed our kids will be Veg. That is not my issue alone. So say he agrees to that, but then continues to eat meat, it creates double standards in the house. It's like Mum doesn't allow us to be cruel to our dog, nor us kids, but it's ok if dad kicks the dog every so often? Probably not a good analagy but I hope you see what I mean.... Further, Then as an almost vegan family when our children raise questions and want explanations, as their mother I will be able to answer those questions, but how can their father provide explanations and answers when he really doesn't fully believe our reasons for the kids being vegan. But then say he does explain why we are vegan... But then shows it's clear he doesn't care personally and eats meat, it's hypocritical.

Maybe I'm over analysing  on it.

But I feel what he eats is only a small part of it. It's his thinking and taking responsibility that is the main thing.

Janine, I have purchased John Josephs 'Meat is for Pussies' ages ago which he promptly ignored and I read from cover to cover. It was hilarious. He's now interested in reading it which is a bonus. That has some photos of guys he recognises one MMA fighter I think has been vegan his whole life.

Thanks others for your input, I really appreciate it.

Banani Banani NSW Posts: 93
8 30 Jun 2013
I have the same problem. cry My partner and I aren't trying for a baby yet but a few down the track when we are ready, it is going to be very hard. We often discuss the lifestyle our babies will lead and when I say "I would never inflict the risk of disease and suffering on myself, so why would I force my child to endure it?", he promptly says, "you will kill our child when they become lactose intolerant and too young to stay away from peer pressure or self awareness of what they can and can't eat". sad I keep telling him that keeping an eye on our child is a lot better than feeding them dairy, only to end up with asthma, eczema, dermatitis, other allergies, obesity or even worse cancer! sad

Meat eaters are in denial though, they do not want to hear what will undo their love for "tasty" food.

I feel like you have to come to a compromise or make him see that the way you want to raise the baby is a healthier option. I fear that my partner will never have children with me because I stand by my beliefs and morals. sad But you can't buckle under pressure when you know you are doing the right thing for many lives.

Maybe finding a nutritionist that specialises with vegan babies could help him understand. It's a long shot.

I hope everything works out. happy

Banani Banani NSW Posts: 93
9 30 Jun 2013
Wow, awkward. Didn't read all the comments. haha

I hope you find away to turn him veg. tongue

Glad your kids will at least be able to lead a healthy lifestyle. happy

StephyA StephyA VIC Posts: 329
10 2 Jul 2013
I understand what you mean. I actually took my own advice and asked my b/f  if we had kids would he mind if they were vegan and he said no. He kind of assumed they would be lol. But he did say what would we tell them if they asked why he eats meat? I really don't know at this point. He will never be veg or vegan and I have accepted that. I have never really tried to convert him as I don't really think it is my place. He makes his own decisions. If you love someone you have to accept they have their faults or move on. I have educated him on a lot of issues and he only buys free range chicken and doesn't buy store eggs now. But I never sat him down and told him whats what. It has all just come up over the years in natural conversation.

Otherwise, if you live in Melbourne you could stay at Bed & Broccoli. They have had a few people walk away from there converted!