It's great to see you're giving so much thought to the animals!

I agree with what other people have said, though - you need to do what's necessary to take care of yourself. Beating yourself up about it will only make things worse.
However, I need to stress to you the importance of doing your research before you start taking any psychiatric medication.
I would urge you to find an integrative GP and/or a qualified naturopath who will explore your health holistically, to see if there are any underlying mental/physical causes for your anxiety.
You can find one here:
https://www.aima.net.au/find-a-practitionar/medical-practitioner/
I think psychotherapy should always be explored before considering chemical treatments. Seeing a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or similar can produce the same or better results than medication.
If you go to a regular GP, chances are they will do a standard mental health assessment, where you rate 10 questions on a scale on 1-5, and solely based on that, they will diagnose you with X condition and potentially prescribe medication. More often than not, they will not discuss the numerous other options you have, let alone the pros and cons of taking medication.
This is standard procedure and I do not blame the doctors for doing this, but please realise that most GPs are not experts in mental health, and may not be aware of the potential complications that these drugs can cause.
If you do some research on psychiatric drugs, you will find a number of facts that the doctor probably won't tell you:
- The chemical imbalance that psychiatric medication aims to treat has never actually been proven to exist. Doctors will often tell you that it may take a while to find the 'right medication' for you. This is because treating mental illness with chemicals is a total guessing game, because there is no test or scan that can actually tell you whether there's a chemical problem to correct in the first place.
- Psychiatric drug trials generally last between 4-12 weeks. Given that most medications take at least a few weeks to even start working, chances are you will be taking the drugs for a lot longer than that. Studies are not conducted to assess the safety for use beyond the trial period, which is worrying considering many side effects only appear with longer-term use. The trials are also conducted on physically and mentally healthy individuals, so they are not an accurate representation of the type of patients who will be taking them.
- Even in the short-term trials, a huge number of side effects have been reported. Some of these include symptoms of the illnesses they are trying to treat, including anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, irritability, aggression, emotional numbness, insomnia, nightmares, fatigue, sexual dysfunction, changes in appetite/weight, mania, psychosis, hallucinations, and literally hundreds more. These symptoms are often experienced by healthy individuals in trials, so imagine the damage they could cause someone with a mental illness. This also makes it difficult to distinguish between symptoms of the illness and side effects of the medication once you start taking it.
- Drug trials are not independent or objective. They are paid for by the pharmaceutical companies who make the drugs, and many members of the FDA (who first approve the drugs) have financial investments in the same drug companies. This is a fact, not a conspiracy theory - Google 'big pharma FDA revolving door'. Drug trials approved by the Australian TGA are also sponsored by drug companies.
- For a medication to be approved, a pharmaceutical company must submit the results of 2 trials proving its safety and efficacy. However, the companies are allowed to conduct as many trials as they want with the same medication until they get the desired results. Many trials for approved medications showed repeatedly that the drugs were no more effective than a placebo and caused many more side effects, but those studies were allowed to be discarded, and instead the 2 trials with positive results were submitted and approved.
- Psychiatric drugs can be extremely difficult to stop taking. With most types, you won't feel 'addicted' to the drugs in the same sense that you might crave other substances, but many people experience severe withdrawal symptoms if they try to stop taking the medication. This is a well documented condition called 'discontinuation syndrome', and applies to many types of psychiatric drugs, particularly SSRI and SNRI antidepressants, which are commonly used to treat anxiety. Another class of drugs used for anxiety is Benzodiazepines, which have a fast onset of tolerance and physical dependence, and take a very long time to taper off.
The following website, Surviving Antidepressants, is a forum full of people struggling with the withdrawal symptoms of various anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds. There is a members-only section called Benzo Tapering Discussion which will become available if you log in.
http://survivingantidepressants.org/
The reason I have looked into all this is because I was medicated on various psychiatric drugs myself for 11 years. I am not claiming that there are no benefits in taking these drugs, but for years, the side effects I was experiencing were mistaken for symptoms of mental illness by numerous health care professionals, resulting in increasingly higher doses of medication being prescribed, until I eventually began doing my own research. Psychiatrist Dr. Peter Breggin has a number of books on the dangers of psychiatric drugs, and has developed a method for safely withdrawing from them, which I followed, and slowly tapered off my medication over the period of a year. Even reducing the dosage in such small increments caused many withdrawal symptoms for me, including sweats, chills, fevers, pain, electric shock sensations every time I moved, lethargy, agitation, and sadness causing me to cry frequently for no apparent reason. This made it extremely difficult to stay positive and motivated to continue, but I persevered and the symptoms passed a short time after each reduction.
I also began trying more holistic treatment options, and found many to be very helpful.
I now feel better than ever, after 3 months free from psychiatric drug dependence.
Some alternatives to medication include:
- psychotherapy (I agree with Steph, shop around for a good psychologist)
- self help techniques, eg. mindfulness
- meditation
- herbal remedies (available at health food stores if you don't want to grow them yourself)
- improved diet
- regular exercise
- relaxation and breathing techniques like qigong, tai chi, yoga, etc.
- hypnotherapy
- aromatherapy
- lifestyle changes to reduce stress
There are also a number of physical causes of anxiety, eg. thyroid problems and nutrient deficiencies, which can be tested for by your doctor.
GPs are great at treating symptoms, but they often fail to look at the whole picture. Just look at the number of people taking medication for high cholesterol or type 2 diabetes. The medication treats the symptoms, but the underlying problem is still there, and could be fixed with a simple change of diet rather than medication. I believe the same goes for most mental health problems - masking the symptoms is possible, but I feel it's much more beneficial to explore the possible psychological/physical causes before deciding to take medication.
Obviously you don't have to take my advice, but please do some of your own research, and make sure the sources are unbiased (ie. not written by someone who is trying to promote/sell the drugs!)
Either way, I hope your health improves, and I wish you all the best for a positive recovery!

xx